why we should get uncomfortable
July 23, 2021 |
Why is it so hard to break a pattern – in a relationship or in the routine of our days – even when we know that change and newness can help us grow?
As I sit to write to you this week, I want to share something that fascinated me…the reunion of my twins and how I learned through their experiences a valuable lesson I can use in my own life.
Maybe you can too.
As background, my 16-year-old daughters have been apart only a few nights in their entire life, and never in a row.They share friends at school, they are both gymnasts, they enjoy the same hobbies.
They don’t really look like twins – they look more like sisters born at the same time, like siblings in any family. It’s just that they spend so much time together, together for almost everything.
They are a kind of close I can’t describe. And may never really know.
(They do happily let me in as we form “the 3 musketeers,” but only if I don’t dance in public and embarrass them, which is HARD for me, especially if I hear Madonna…)
I used to think it was this way with twins (my sister and friends have twins too). But I think that a lot of close relationships can end up this interconnected.
Think about couples after many years of marriage. Growing up, my parents did everything together. And while there is something so genuine and connected in this type of relationship, it can be hard to define who you are at times – or what you want – when you try to take time for yourself.
So as it happened, I encouraged my girls to find their own unique adventure for a few weeks this summer, and now we are back together as a unit.
When they returned from their separate adventures, the first few days were not easy. The only way I can describe it is through my daughter’s words.
She said that before she went away, she liked certain things. Then being away, she discovered parts of herself and really enjoyed the new ways she could grow and learn and explore on her own.
Coming home was everything she wanted, but she couldn’t “find” the person she was before her eye-opening and separate experience. And yet she was no longer able to access all that she had during her adventure.
The trick was to integrate it, taking the good from her “before,” and the best of what she learned, and then integrating that into who she is RIGHT NOW.
As we spoke, it occurred to me that this is what I do with clients in my workshops and in my 1:1 coaching.
We have an experience, big or small.
We move through change, big or small.
And then we long to understand how to keep the parts of ourselves we want, let go of the stuff we don’t, and then integrate all the goodness that comes with our inevitable growth.
That’s why growth work is so hard!
And that’s why breaking a pattern or spending time with yourself can be scary.
It’s not always the change we are afraid of, it’s also the task of integrating what we learned and then standing in that new space with fearlessness and grace.
So when is the last time you were alone – really, truly alone – and discovered something new about yourself?
When is the last time you feel like you truly grew?
It’s easy to get comfortable in a relationship or the pattern of your days, but who are YOU outside of those things?
My twins daughters spent weeks apart and came back as braver, bolder versions of themselves…with lessons for me to remember.
To take risks and try hard things.
To break patterns that can often hold us back.
To trust that newness and adventure can lead to discover new aspects of yourself, and the integration of that experience allows you to grow.
It can be scary, but so is dancing in public to Madonna songs and trust me it all ends up okay.
I highly encourage you to get uncomfortable, break your own patterns and then find ways to absorb what you learn into the bravest, boldest version of YOU.
As always, I will help you. Just reply to me and reach out!
With fierce love,